Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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