I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
