I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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