Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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