I wish my penis had an off switch
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
