Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Even my vagina gasped.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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