The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize