we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
