you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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