Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
