even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
