Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
