she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
