i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
