hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
