so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
