Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
