Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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