Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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