I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
