on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
