Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
