But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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