U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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