This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
