I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
