No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
