I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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