It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
