Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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