Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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