Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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