theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize