I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
