Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
