I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
