I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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