"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
