How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
