brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
