He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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