I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.