Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?