i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him