Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.