That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.