I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
