did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
