i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
