She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
