I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
