Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
