I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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