I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
