The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
