That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jerry, you need to find god
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
