I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
