omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
