Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
