Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
