Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
