I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
