Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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